P for Photography

News flash to online daters …… no matter what photo you post as your profile when you meet up with someone you are still going to look just like you do, and nothing like the photo you posted of you 10 years ago.

Meeting someone in person is unfortunately not going to wipe 10 years of your age, 10 inches off your waistline or any more up in the know about what the kids are talking about these days.

Given I have been on a few dates now, some great, some very MEH, but most of these have been misconstrued by the photo on the persons profile. This is not me saying I only what a hot god, with tanned chisled features (I wouldn’t say no to this godeither) but if I meet you, and you look older, thinner, shorter, or just different this does not impress me no end. What else could you possibly be trying to hide the truth about??

Hence the best advice I can give you is post a realistic photo people … start things out on the best possible playing field that you can.

B for blind - Blind date 101:

One of my life motto’s is to give everything a chance and I will try most things once. This theory has seen me sky dive, get my scuba license, eat llama and go on a blind date. Nothing in that list is that extreme but the theory certainly allows for fun to be had.

So that brings me to my first, and only blind date I have been on (this does not count those dates that follow meeting someone in a club … that is a different type of blind date where you where blind when you met them … and then second guessing who in fact you are meeting up with – don’t lie we have all had them).

So my blind date. Firstly it could not have been set-up in a more random fashion. I do love a good email coupon, groupon, grab one, living social, coupon .. I am not fussy if the deal is good I will purchase. So this one was for a massage. I turn up to the massage place, and it is a crazy Hungarian lady who works out of her apartment.  So already a random situation. Within 2 minutes of me getting my kit off and lying on the table she has asked me ‘so you have boyfriend’ which I had a laugh out loud and said no. For the next 50 mins of the massage (which was average at best) she talked to me about this ‘really nice young man’ she had massaged earlier that day and she was adamant we should go out.

This is one of those conversations you politely entertain and giggle in the beginning, and then after 20 minutes you realise it is serious.

So anyways at the end of the massage she tells me she is going to ring and check if he has a gf, and if he says no she will give him my number. So I said yeah that is fine … that is all it takes people … just say yes (or yeah its fine, same thing). * I must note I did say yeah that is fine thinking she was so crazy I  would leave and she would forget what she was even doing for the last 50 mins.

So about 30 mins after my massage I get the call from R and we arrange to meet up the following afternoon. The date itself was fine, he was a really lovely guy, just a bit too serious for me, and I was probably way too care free for him, but the date was nice enough.

So the lesson here is say yes more, and no less, because more often than not you will have a good time. The date wasn’t a raging success but it also wasn’t a disaster! And it was my blind date who convinced me to give online dating a go so we have him to thank for the hilarious stories I am gathering!

P.s I realise the post talks more about being set up than the date …. But trust me that is the more interesting part.

NN (stands for Noosa Nob)

NN had really great stats on paper. He was well travelled, educated and seemed really interesting. Given we live in different areas he asked if I wanted to have a chat on the phone first (what I now realise this is common online practice, at the time I was very flattered).

We set a time, he texted me a few times, included an X on the end of the few which leads a girl to think ‘oh he is a sweet one’ (girls do not be fooled by the X).

Given this phone date is technically my second online set-up I am excited by the prospect of what could happen. Let me give you a numbered list of how things evolved.

1.     I ring him when I get home from running training

2.     He answers the phone, seems nice enough and witty banter follows for 4 minutes 26 seconds.

3.     Around the fourth minutes and 27 second of conversation I ask him about why he lived in Indonesia.

4.     The following 42 minutes of ‘conversation (conversation is a loose term as conversation normally involves two parties conversing – I would really call it a one-versation) he proceeded to talk down the phone at me not really about himself (which may have been bearable) however about his opinions on things. And I am not talking about his opinion on fun or light hearted things such as lets say why Katy Perry and Russel Brand really broke up I am talking about his opinion on September 11 and how it was all the American government, and how PR people are a waste of time (hint: I work in this area, which he knew), and blah blah blah.

5.     Pretty much mid one-versation about his amazing thoughts on all this he goes, oh I have to get going (like he is really important because we all have somewhere important to be on a Sunday at 10 pm right) and ends the one-versation and hangs up.

So that is why he gets the name NN. Sufficed to say we didn’t catch up in person.

Popping my online cherry

Brisbane Guy (BG)

My first actual face-to-face date resulting from online was benign. Not a disaster, nothing to rave about, definitely no chemistry from my side. What I can say is it seems he had a heart of gold and a really sweet guy.

However his story of his first date set-up from online dating is a doosie. Let me set the scene of their date for you …..

It is a Sunday afternoon, and lets call her Mandy turns up to one of the bigger gastro pubs in Brisbane, known for being popular on a Sunday afternoon (for Brisbane readers I won’t leave you guessing, it was the Normanby).

Mandy very quickly exclaims how she is not feeling very well after two really big nights out on the town in a row. She barely takes a seat before she announces she is really not feeling well and needs to go to the bathroom. Sweet BG orders her a drink and sits and waits patiently for her at the table.

Whilst waiting for Mandy to return form her very urgent bathroom visit BG receives a text ….. from Mandy. After reading the text what became evident is that poor unwell Mandy in her haze of a big weekend had sent a text meant for her friend … to BG. The text read a little something like this :

‘Hey, I am on a date set up online and I am really scared , can you please come save me’

Now BG being the sweet guy he is does not know what to do. I can vouch he is not a scary looking guy, he was about 5”9 and half the width of me, yes he had a piercing in the top of his ear, but unless he is some sort of magical sumarai, who could in one swift movement pull it from his hear and stab it into one of your pressure points rendering you motionless, he wasn’t going to hurt her.

So Mandy returns to the table .. it seems she didn’t realise what she had done.  Apparently about 10 minutes of very awkward conversation followed, where about finve minutes into the conversation BG saw a look on Mandy’s face that indicated she realised what she had done. She made a hasty exit at the eleventh minute of conversation saying she really wasn’t well and better go.

And bless BG when I asked him if that was his first why we decided to keep trying online dating he said ‘well I pretty much just decided that is what I am not looking for in a girl’.

Where to from here

So here it is, after much hounding from friends and family I have decided to write a blog about my dating life ... this does not mean I am a successful dater .. what this means is that I have come across many intersting human beings, with some funny tales to match.

I have recently ventured to the world of online dating, where I expect many a good tale to come from. Not only that I will be dipping into a my dating history to provide a tale or two along the way.

If you have any dating stories you would like me to share then feel free to email. The whole point is to give everyone a giggle and show all you other daters out there that you are not alone - ridiculous dating stories happen to everyone!